


If I'm being honest

by chocoprompt



Series: Sylvix week 2019 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sylvix Week 2019, day 2!!, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 02:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21028820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocoprompt/pseuds/chocoprompt
Summary: After the war is over, everyone already has an idea of where they are heading next. Everyone, it seems, but Sylvain.





	If I'm being honest

**Author's Note:**

> For day 2 of Sylvix week, dreams! i'm not entirely sure i like this one but here it is anyway!!

The war is over, and with it, they gain more freedom than they have in years. It’s quite odd, and Sylvain feels himself growing anxious – he had hated the war, because truly, how could he not? – and yet, the war didn’t allow him to plan ahead or think twice about things because there was no way to know whether he would be alive tomorrow. Sylvain’s never been scared to die, truthfully. Death has followed him closely throughout his life, so much that a part of Sylvain has come to embrace it.

Now, though, and as his friends talk about their upcoming plans, Sylvain finds himself lost. “I think I will stay back in the monastery and help the professor with the new title.” Mercedes states, a kind smile on her face. It has changed throughout the years, but the kindness behind it hasn’t, and Sylvain finds comfort in that.

“I think I’ll be travelling around with Caspar and helping those who need it.” Ashe comments, his face growing softer with the thought of it.

“It has always been my dream to teach kids magic! So I think I’ll be focusing on that.” Annette says with a smile. Sylvain’s head is stuck on the word _dream_, because what is his? Has he ever had a dream anyway? For as long as he has lived, he has always been fulfilling a role – from the son with a crest to a victim to his brother to a womanizer to a cavalier in the war. What will he do now, that everyone is free to choose their own path? Marry a woman to allow his bloodline to carry on?

The mere thought brings dread to his body.

* * *

It’s a constant in his mind as more peaceful days follow. They give themselves a week of rest before outright starting with the process of calming down the masses, especially on the previous Empire territory. As Sylvain stands in front of Felix's door, his mind takes him back to one time Mercedes and him had tea together, where she insisted that he doesn’t keep his true worries and fears to himself – and Sylvain would have laughed with his usual charming smile that _no, of course he doesn’t do that_ but both of them had known that wasn’t true at all. Sylvain takes a deep breath, Mercedes words echoing through him, and finally finds the courage to act.

“Felix?” Sylvain says, entering his room in the royal castle without bothering with a knock. Dimitri had told them to stay for as long as they liked, and they all had easily complied. The younger man lets out a sigh from where he’s sitting on the bed, untying his boots.

“What’d you need, Sylvain?”

Sylvain stops a few steps from Felix’s bed. He rests one hand against his waist, shifting his weight anxiously. “I have a question to ask you.”

“Yeah? Out with it.” Felix replies, looking up at him briefly before changing to his other boot and repeating the process. “It’s not like you to dance around anything, so just spit it out.”

Sylvain sighs. “I suppose it isn’t,” he murmurs, before shaking his head slightly. “It’s just… what will you do now?”

“Now?” Felix throws his boot to the floor and rests his socked foot on the bed, bending his knee and resting his head on top of it while the other is left hanging. “Help the boar restore the Kingdom, I suppose. He’s going to need as many hands as possible.”

“And after that?”

Felix furrows his brow. “Where are you going with this, Sylvain?”

He waves a hand dismissably but tears his eyes away from Felix, looking instead to a picture on the wall. It shows a snowed landscape with a completely iced lake, and unconsciously, Sylvain’s hand travels to his hair, where he runs it through his locks before tugging at it. “I’ve just been thinking,” and Sylvain expects Felix to interrupt with a teasing comment such as ‘_didn’t know you were able to’_ but it never comes, so Sylvain carries on. “And it’s like, Mercedes knows what she’s gonna do and so do Annette and Ashe,” Sylvain sighs, willing himself to continue without risking a glance at Felix. “And pretty much everyone. I suppose I just… I don’t know what I want to do from here on.” Sylvain finishes rather lamely, as though his talent with words has completely left him.

Sylvain doesn’t move even as he hears Felix’s footsteps approaching him. He does look at him when he touches Sylvain’s cheeks slightly, more in startle than anything. Felix is more of a personal space person, so it isn’t like him to initiate contact unless it’s early in the morning or very late in the night. “Is this why you haven’t been sleeping?” Sylvain had completely thought Felix hasn’t been noticing. He grimaces and Felix sighs. “Why’re you so anxious about this?” Felix speaks and Sylvain feels his breath hitching. Why, indeed.

“Everyone just seems to have a dream or a purpose.” _And I don’t_. _And I’m scared to death to be left behind again._ “You, for example,” Sylvain murmurs, closing his eyes. “You are the king’s shield, aren’t you? So you’ll probably stay here and be an advisor to him.”

“That’s my family’s duty, not mine. And do _not_ decide my path for me.” Felix growls. In spite of it, he caresses his cheeks slightly before one of his hands covers Sylvain’s on his hair and with a squeeze, takes it away from there. Sylvain opens his eyes to find a few of his locks on the floor and winces. He hadn’t noticed he had been tugging so harshly. Felix frowns at him, not letting his hand go. "It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a clear dream or purpose at all. It’ll come, eventually.”

“But what if it doesn’t?” His voice trembles and Sylvain can feel his breathing picking up and his heart quickening its pace. Before he’s able to go down into the obsessive spiral that is his mind these days, Felix breaks through it.

“Then you stay with me, always.” And Sylvain blinks, feeling his cheeks reddening as he allows the words to sink in. He can’t help the laughter mixed with warmth blossoming from inside his chest. It’s such a bold statement, one that is just so _Felix _yet Sylvain never would have thought it would come out of him of all people.

“Was that a proposal, Felix? Because if yes, it sucked.” He feels his heart a bit lighter now though, and Sylvain idly wonders if that has been Felix’s intention all along.

“It was not. You’re unbelievable.” Felix grumbles, but the flush on his cheeks betrays him.

“It was, wasn’t it? I gotta say you caught me completely – hmph.” Sylvain’s eyes widen when Felix collides their lips together. It starts clumsy, mainly because Felix took Sylvain completely by surprise, but he recovers quickly and kisses back. Felix is something Sylvain will never tire of, no matter what – from the fierceness of his hands to the bitter taste of his lips to just completely Felix. Sylvain’s hand holds onto Felix’s whilst his other one travels and cups the back of Felix’s neck. In the meanwhile, Felix’s hand leaves his cheek in favour of running is hand through Sylvain’s hair. When they part, both of them are breathing heavily and Felix rests his head against Sylvain’s chest in some sort of hug. Sylvain wraps one arm around him in response, allowing himself to breathe Felix in.

“Who cares about dreams or any of that shit anyway?” Felix murmurs, and even if Sylvain wants to believe that he can push his anxiety away, he knows better than that. He’s trying, though – and at this point, Sylvain supposes it has to be enough. With Felix in his arms, Sylvain doesn’t feel as lost as he did earlier.

“Thank you,” Sylvain murmurs, pressing a kiss to Felix’s hair.

“Whatever. Just… don’t be so stupid to allow it to eat you.” And Sylvain chuckles at that, burrowing himself even more onto Felix, who merely sighs. “You’re better than that.”

Sylvain doesn’t reply – that no, he truly isn’t – but he knows Felix is trying, and that’s what counts. It’s enough for this moment, and Sylvain only pulls Felix closer and wills himself to forget about anything that isn’t him. His worries don’t weigh as much as before, and that’s all he can ask for.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!
> 
> twitter: irwinshope
> 
> tumblr: glazedbucky


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